Life Lesson #4

Park City

Yesterday morning RayCray and I had the lovely opportunity to drive up to Park City for a few hours. I had never been down main street and it was even better then I imagined! It made me slightly mad that I couldn't go up during Sundance last month, but alas! Next year awaits me!

The highlight of my trip was seeing some of Banksy's artwork! When RayCray pointed it out to me I nearly fell over because I was so excited!

On the way up to PC, this car full of teenagers...

... thought it would be hilarious to zoom past us, flip us off for no reason, cut right in front of us, and then drive 20 miles per hour when the speed limit was 55. Needless to say, we were pissed. We eventually outmaneuvered them and zoomed past which made them very angry. They continued to retaliate and act like immature babies, so we called the cops on them :] I gave the police dispatcher their car make, color, description, license plate, and let them know how reckless they were driving. About 20 minutes later the cops called me back to let me know they found the car, but weren't able to catch up to it which either means they sped away from the cops, or the cops were lazy. Then a few hours later I got another call saying that they got a hold of the driver's mom who gave the cop her daughters cell, who then called said girl and reprimanded her for driving like a blind, menopausal woman on a death wish. And no, your eyes are not deceiving you... the sticker on their car does indeed say "Wicked Splashy". HA what loosers.

But other than that little escapade, we had so much fun! I can't wait to come back up during Sundance next year!

Don't ask.

The Story

I wish I could sit you down and replay my whole life for you so maybe you'll understand me and maybe want to be a part of the rest of my story. Maybe you'll change your mind and walk away. Maybe you'll sit me down and play me your life story. Maybe I'll want to be a part of it too. 

And then a new day dawned...

Last night I dreamed I was Alice. I stepped through her magic mirror and there you were, three years younger at the airport with your family. You were wearing that baby blue shirt of yours that I always said matched your eyes. Everyone embraced you and cried as if you'd be gone for a while. As you boarded the plane you turned to me and looked me in the eyes. Expecting a hateful gaze I flinched, but instead you smiled... just as if everything that happened between us didn't matter anymore. I smiled back. You waved goodbye as you walked down the platform and somehow, I knew that goodbye would be forever.

When I awoke, that guilty feeling I've been carrying around all these years for hurting you was finally gone. 

Thanks for letting go.

Life Lesson #3

Spring Fever

I have a bad case of Spring Fever: My favorite pair of gladiator sandals are starring at me from my closet just begging to be worn. My shorts and tank tops are collecting dust on their hangers. My favorite Hawaiian Tropic suntan oil that smells like coconut and bananas is taunting me from the dresser. And the new black bikini I bought a couple of weeks ago is practically screaming at me from across the room. February is possibly the most dismal, dreary month of the entire year. But luckily, there are a few things keeping me away from the winter blues...

1. SPRING BREAK IS IN A MONTH! And guess where I am planning on spending my lovely week off?

That's right... Disneyland!! My bestest friend RayCray and I are planning on road tripping there and crashing at our friend's dorm for a few days. Not only we will bask in the glow of Disney's awesomeness, but we are also planning on soaking in some MUCH needed Vitamin D on the beach, stuff our faces with loads of cheap junk food, and possibly hit up Hollywood to say hello to some celebs.

2. Olympics...

*Ahem*... need I say more? I didn't think so. Although, I was watching the freestyle arial skiers yesterday and had the sudden urge to go skiing myself. Not arial skiing, just skiing skiing. You would think after having lived in Utah my entire life I would go more often. Sadly, I've only gone a handful of times.

And a second, but much more exciting note to the Olympics: So my cousin's husband is a speed skater and is good friends with ^that dude right up there^... and guess who is coming to their house for dinner when said person returns from Vancouver? Yeah, I was speechless too. So I think I'm going to have to invite myself over that night. Just sayin'.

3. Exercise.

Strangely enough, I have found myself actually enjoying working out lately. My parents recently bought an elliptical and it's pretty fun! I hate jogging, mainly because I get killer side aches really easily, but for some reason I can go for a really long time on this before I get tired. It feels amazing! I also do a lot of different work outs on one of those big exercise balls. I learned some really cool tricks in my aerobics class last semester and so now I actually know how to use it. Let's hope all this hard work will pay off and that in a month I will be in bikini-bod shape for Spring Break vaca ;]

What is keeping you going during these bitter winter days?

Life Lesson #2

Have you ever had days where you felt like this? ^

Today is that day.

But then I read this...

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."
— 2 Nephi 31:20

And now I feel a little better :]

*Sigh of Relief*

Test numero uno is done! Whew! I seriously studied from the moment I got home from school on Tuesday, until today at 5pm when I left to take my test.

I watched 6 lecture videos, read 159 pages of text book, sat through 9 1/2 of those super cheesy "educational videos" (I got through half of the last one, then gave up), took several pages of notes, and basically covered the entire time span of 10,000-300 BC in two days.

I think I even over studied a bit because my test seriously wasn't that hard. I could have very easily BS'd the essay portion.

But it feels great knowing I actually KNEW what I was talking about. I was throwing out all sorts of random crap like who Alexander the Great's father was, and how Egyptian religion dictated how they formed their government, and crazy dates that no normal person knows.

Maybe my professor will give me extra points for being extra prepared?? I don't know, maybe?

Or there is always the possibility that I only thought I knew what I was talking about, when in reality I made myself look like a total idiot...

Oh well! I guess we'll find out soon! Now I get to study for my American Indian Experiences class that I need to take by Sunday. Wish me luck!

PS- When the craziness that is this week is finally over, I will resume posting regularly. I'm planning on crossing off another item on my list very soon so stay tuned! 

My Personal Demon

Some days I miss you.
Other days I forget you.
Once in a while I hate you.
But most of the time it's like you're part of me,
and no matter how hard I try to shake you,
you always find your way back to me.

I call you my personal demon.
Although in some cases,
you are more like my guardian angel.

You protect me from being hurt.
From hurting myself.
Because nothing in this cold world hurts more than
falling in love.
Or falling out of love, for that matter.

And you are always there to remind me of that.

Be My Valentine?

Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. The past few days have been crazy to say the least and they are only going to get busier throughout the rest of this week. I have two tests this week that I don't feel ready at all. I have a feeling I will be studying my butt off everyday for the next week and there is nothing in this world I hate more than studying. Ugh!

But on a happier note, it's Valentine's Day and this weekend has been a blast!

I started out by going to my sorority's pledge banquet on Thursday night which was amazing to say the least. We went to our advisor Patti's house and ate a yummy Cafe Rio salad dinner and then had a program to initiate all the pledges and make them actives. Each of the girls in the presidency got up and bore their testimonies and the Spirit was so amazingly strong in the room that many of us had tears running down our cheeks. Then each of the pledges brought their favorite flower to the front and introduced themselves and said what they would bring to the sorority. We put each flower in a vase and then gave the bouquet to Patti. I brought white orchids that I just happened to stumble upon while on an adventure in downtown Salt Lake City. I took the Trax train from school to meet my parents at Trolley Square and had to walk a few blocks to get there once I got off the train. On my way, there was a group of creepy looking men walking towards me so I dodged into a cute little flower shop. One of the first things I saw when I walked in was a big vase full of white orchids. I couldn't help buying a stem because they were so beautiful.

Friday I went to pick up the jewelry I made at the glass making class I took last week. (My stuff looks awesome if I do say so myself.) Then I went out to lunch with Rachel and Joanna. We went to a cute little Chinese place called Pei Wei and ordered off the kids menu. We talked about boys, and school and an adventure we plan to take when the whether warms up... we are going to dress up in fancy lingerie, make crazy masks, build a fire in a park and run through the trees like banshees. I can't wait.

That night Rach and I went to go see 'Dear John' with my friend Amanda who is in my sorority. We went to the Gateway Mall downtown and had fun shopping and getting ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. The movie was really good... then again, what movie with Channing Tatum isn't really good? We all cried like babies and it was one of those nights I really wished I would have brought tissues because we all needed them.

After the movie Rachel and I went back over to her house because she wanted to show me her basement. She is getting it remodeled and the painters finished all the walls and ceiling. They tore out the carpet so all that was there was bare cement. We decided to get Sharpie markers and write little notes to whoever pulls up the new carpet in the future. We also made a list of all the things that are popular right now.

Saturday Rach and I went on a double date with her boyfriend Jeff and my friend Kyle. We came over to my house and made pizzas and then went up to the U to go see our Utes play the Lobos in basketball. We went knowing they would cream us because they are one of the best teams in the nation right now and we are one of the worst. But we actually kept up with them pretty well! The last quarter was SO intense. We were screaming, and clapping, and banging benches, and waving our arms in the air like crazy people. We were 3 down, and there were 8 seconds left on the clock when one of the guys on our team threw a 3-pointer from the corner. The stadium went dead silent and then everyone went into hysteria when it swooshed into the basket. The game went into overtime and we ended up loosing, but it was still a great game! We all lost our voices.

After we went back to my house and watched Toy Story 2 and made yummy Reese's dessert bars. After the movie, Rachel and Jeff left so me and Kyle turned on the Olympics for a little bit. It got kind of boring so we switched to The Nanny. He had never seen it so I made him watch it even though Fran's voice annoyed him. haha I'm so mean :]

Today I went to church with my friend McKenzie. She lives in the dorms so she goes to a single's university ward. It was a lot of fun! We got roses in Relief Society and then in Sunday School me and Kenz whispered back and forth about a guy in our class that she thought was really cute. After church I went home and had dinner with my family. Grandma came over and we had a really yummy dessert: chocolate covered strawberries! We watched the Olympics for a couple of hours and I fell asleep.

Now here I am, wishing this weekend could have lasted so much longer and dreading the long week ahead of me. Hopefully I will find a little bit of time to add a post or two, but if you don't hear from me for a while, you'll know why.

Life Lesson #1

Live each day like it's your last. You never know how much time you or the ones you care about most have left. Love with all your heart, reach for every star, smile every moment, and always remember that each day is a gift. Fill every empty space with laughter and love.

Birthday Wishes

So today is my birthday. I am now in my very last year as a teenager *tear*sniff*. Every year I set my alarm for 5:00am so I can reminisce about the past year and think about how much I have changed. It's always weird to me every time; counting down the seconds I have left in that particular year in my life. And then at 5:01am, I'm a whole year older.

This morning I replayed my eighteenth year all over again and I can honestly look back and say I don't regret a thing.

My last few months of high school were definitely tough. Brighton High School became a prison to me after sophomore year and I was practically counting down the days until I graduated. It wasn't until a month before graduation that I realized it was nearly over. And instead of being happy about it, I was actually kind of sad. So I went to every graduation party, I decided to stop caring about what everyone else thought and just be myself, I took hundreds of pictures to save the memories, and I decided to try and enjoy myself. Funny thing is that I actually did. I was sick of my past mistakes dictating how I lived my life so I changed that. When graduation day came around I didn't know how to feel. Half of me was extremely happy and relieved to finally be done, and the other half wanted to start all over and not take one second for granted.

That summer my grandmother was pretty sick and needed someone to take care of her. So I went over to her house almost every day and spent the best summer of my entire life there. On the days she wasn't feeling well I would sit in the rocking chair next to where she was sleeping on the couch and read or played soduko or wrote in my journal. My favorite memory that summer was on a day Grandma was feeling really happy and well. We pulled out some chairs that were stored in the garage and sat on her back porch and simply talked and laughed and napped and watched the birds in the bird feeder. Grandma was reading the newspaper and she covered her face with it while she slept. I remember looking in the back garden at all the white daises and gazing up at the dark summer blue sky and just listening to her breathe softly. That same day I went down to the lawn and picked a whole sack full of ripe pears from the pear tree and we stood in front of the window by the kitchen sink and ate so many we had to take another nap. Time seemed to slow to almost a halt at Grandma's house. The way she took  time to do everything she did amazed me. I was so used to busy, busy, busy and multitasking and getting everything done as fast as possible. I'm so grateful for my beautiful Grandma and how she taught me to sloooow dooown and smell the roses. I love my Grandma more than anything and that summer will always have a very special place in my heart.

When the summer months died down I went back to school. This time it was college and I was in for a world of change. The campus at the University of Utah is enormous. The first day I thought I was going to die because it was in the high 90's and I swear all my classes were on opposite sides of the campus. Eventually the long walks became one of my favorite part of going to school each day because I got to stretch my legs and breathe in the clean mountain air. I made a lot of new friends and strengthened old ones. I fell in love with the diversity there. Everyone I met was completely different than the next person and I loved just sitting on the grass under the big oak trees and watching all the different people go by and catching bits of their conversations. I learned how hard college was. I had to nearly fail a class to realize it, but now I know. It gave me a greater appreciation for the chance I have to learn and grow here.

This was the year I started dating again. All through high school it seemed that no matter how many times I would fall for a guy I would always end up hurt and bitter. By the time senior year rolled around I totally swore off dating because I was sick of guys thinking I was just some kind of toy they could toss out when they got bored or found something better. It carried over into my first semester at the U because I was so afraid of getting hurt again. And then one day at the start of this semester a guy at the bookstore asked for my number and suddenly dating wasn't such a big deal anymore. One thing my dating break taught me is that everything happens for a reason and to not even worry about what might or might not happen in the future. It taught me to simply live each moment as it comes and see where it takes you. It had been forever since I had the butterflies after meeting and getting to know someone knew and somehow the break made it all the more sweeter and exciting.

A year ago today I was a completely different person than I am now. I had a slightly sour disposition on life and it seemed that nothing really caught my interest or excited me much. Then a change in my surroundings and routine woke me up and I myself changed not only who I was, but changed my entire outlook on life.

So this year as I blow out my birthday candles, I will wish for a new year that is just as amazing and change-filled as last. I wish that at 5:00am on February 10, 2011,  I will be able to look back on this year with no regrets and that I will be proud of who I am and what I accomplished. And hopefully at 5:01am, when I turn 20, I will be able to go back to sleep content and happy with the direction my life is going.

Here's to being 19! May this year be full of laughter, smiles, love, happiness, and the occasional pitfall so I can learn to pick myself back up again. Cheers!

Comment Issues? (Plus a duck!)

A lot of people have told me that they weren't able to post any comments on my posts. I think it's because I changed my template and for some reason it messed with my settings. I tried to fix it but somehow the link to post a comment is ^up top^ right beneath the title of each post instead of at the bottom of the entire post itself. I will keep trying to figure out how to move it back down to it's normal place but until then you now know where the comment button is :]

Thanks everybody!

PS- I just had to include this duck... isn't it the cutest darn thing you have ever seen in your entire life?? I thought so.

College Thus Far

^This is me. Well, not actually. But it might as well be!

Here I am in my Fundamental Science of Human Nutrition class (it is indeed as boring as it sounds) not paying any attention. My professor is talking about "intracellular fluid" and "osmosis of water balance" and "ion pumps", so naturally I have no idea what's going on. Seeing as I am bored out of my mind, I thought now would be a good time to make a new blog post.

^This is my actual class. My teacher's name is Thunder Jalili... he's a BA. But a very boring BA.

Luckily I have this class with my totally awesome friend Catherine. She likes Obama too so we are way tight. Do you know how hard it is to find someone who likes Obama in Utah? Yeah, very rare. I met her in the LDS sorority I joined a few weeks ago and we just happened to both be in this totally boring class! Woohoo go Psi!

Anyways, so school... it's a lot more difficult than I thought. I find myself actually studying and watching lecture videos online instead of goofing off and finding something more fun to do. Most of the time I choose the later and go have fun, but I'm slowly learning to be self disciplined and do my work. (Paying attention in class doesn't count... especially this class teehee)

So far my hardest class has been my American Indian Experiences class. Don't get me wrong, this class is totally fascinating! I LOVE history and learning about the past, but this class has four text books. Yeah, that's right, four! And I actually have to read them all the way through. One is more of a novel about five indian kids growing up on a reservation which is really interesting. But the others are all about treaties and wars, and who did what to who, and what year that tribe got moved to that state... it's boring. I can read about a page before my mind wanders off to a far away place and then before you know it it's morning and I wake up with my face stuck to the pages of my book. Not fun.

Another really tough class is my math class. I'm pretty much the dumbest person on planet Earth when it comes to math. It makes absolutely no sense to me even if someone explains it to me perfectly. My mind just doesn't work that way. I don't like having things so uniform and perfect the way that math is. Because I don't think that there is an answer to every question. Some things are intangible and weren't meant to be picked apart with numbers and equations. That's just me though.

My favorite class is my Digital Photography class. There is just something about capturing a moment in time and making it into art that I love. I have learned a lot about composition techniques and how to make a picture more interesting by changing the angel or point of view. It's a lot of fun. My favorite part is playing with all the pictures I take on iPhoto and Photoshop. It amazes me what you can do to a simple photograph and turn it into something amazing. 

These are just a few of the many things I have learned so far this semester and I know I am destined to learn a lot more. But the best lesson I have learned thus far is to just be myself. Only you can be you, why try to be someone else? When you stay true to yourself you grow and learn and enjoy life so much more. Well, my class is over so I am out!

Will-call

I was once a fighter. 

I cursed the World because it hurt me.

I didn't live because Life bruised me.

I didn't love because Love broke me.

I'm still a fighter.

Except this time I call the World my lover,

I live because scars make for good stories,

and I love because I can.

#4 Take an art class

My wonderful aunt Janell gave me the best birthday present ever! She signed me up for a glass making class so I could cross it off of my 20 before 20 list! I went to a studio called Urbanscrap Glass by Amber DeBirk in Holladay for her Valentine's Day workshop and it was so much fun. She makes lots of jewelry and belt buckles and all sorts of dinnerware. There were about 7 other girls taking the class with me and they were all really nice and made some awesome stuff. Amber has little tubs full of scrap glass that are all different colors and types that she let us sort through and pick what we wanted. I decided to make a necklace and 2 rings. Cutting the glass was a lot easier than I thought, you just score it with a little tool dipped in oil and then use special pliers to snap it into the shape you want it. I even got to wear safety glasses! Here are a few pictures of the things I made... sorry they are kind of fuzzy because I took them with my phone.

This is the necklace, sorry it's so blurry.

The things I made still need to be put in a kiln and the metal parts need to be put on but they should be done by Wednesday or Thursday next week. I can't wait! When I get them back I will put up some pictures of the finished product.

Thanks Janell! You are the best :]

February Obsessions

It is once again that time... my current obsessions. February is a very long, dreary, depressing, cold month; so why not brighten it up with things that make me happy right??

1. Brookside Dark Chocolate Covered Pomegranate candies
Mmmm... There is nothing like chocolate to melt away the frozen February weather. I get these at Costco and they usually last a long time despite being the yummiest things EVER! These are sure to turn your day around no matter how depressing it may seem.

2. Knitted head wraps
Okay, I'm seeing these things EVERYWHERE and I want one. (hint, hint... my birthday is coming up soon ;] ) Having a bad hair day? Whip one of these bad boys on and you are cute as a button... maybe even cuter.

3. French braid curls

Get this... you take a warm, relaxing bath at the end of long hard day complete with a deep conditioning hair treatment and body scrub. Then you pamper yourself with your favorite lotions and body sprays. Let your hair air dry until it's barely damp and then french braid it. Depending on how thick it is, you can do 1-4 braids (I prefer to do 2 because it makes loose beachy waves). You go to sleep completely relaxed and rejuvinated. Then you wake up in the morning, take out your braids and BAM! You have sexy hair in less than 3 seconds. Not to mention you get to sleep-in a little longer ;]

This is the deep conditioner I use. It's kind of expensive but totally worth it. Plus, it smells like bananas, yum!

4. Psych

Basically this is the best TV show in the history of forever. It's about two best friends, Shawn and Gus, who pretend to be psychic detectives and solve crimes. Every episode literally has me crying because I'm laughing so hard. They remind me so much of my best friend Rachel and I. The new season just barely started and I look forward to watching it all week. It's on USA every Wednesday night (8pm Mountain Time). You can also watch full episodes at hulu.com or Psych's website.

PS. PINEAPPLE!

February 3, 1994

Some people only dream of Angels... I hold one in my heart.

I think about you a lot, Little Sister. I wonder what you would look like now, sixteen and grown up. I remember you as a tiny blue eyed blonde. You're entire face lit up when you smiled and you rarely ever cried. I remember holding your little hand and talking to you like we were old friends.

I wonder what you would be like now? I would hope you wouldn't end up like me. Loud, opinionated, silly, and far too carefree. I would hope you would be sweeter, kinder, but not too serious. You were always the good sister... I was the monster.

When you left I didn't understand. I searched for you everywhere I went but I never found you. It wasn't until I was older that I realized you weren't coming back. Now I know where you are and why God took you away from us so soon. And I thank Him every chance I get for the time He gave me to spend with you.

I want you to know that we left an empty spot for you at the dinner table. Sometimes I pretend you're still here sitting across from me. I wonder what you would say, what your hobbies would be, what you wanted to be when you were older... I feel you missing wherever I go and I only wish I could tell you how much I miss you.

Sometimes I wish I could have taken your place so you would have had the chance to live. I feel guilty that you can't be with us anymore. But I know you're watching over us and you're in a far better place than we can even imagine.

I know I'll get to be with you again someday. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again and tell you all the things I have wanted for so long to say. But until then, know that I love you with all my heart. I will always carry a piece of you with me wherever ago. Hopefully I can live my life the way you would want me to.

So say a little prayer to God for us. Always know that we think about you every moment and we'll never forget you. Thank you for teaching me that everything is going to be okay. I love you Little Sister.

Peter Pan has all the answers