Lately I have been thinking a lot about my life. A few weeks ago I was cleaning out the coat closet and I found an old video camera with about 20 tapes dating from as far back as 1994. It was so fun to look back and see myself and my family all those years ago. They also made me really sad because I finally realized that those years are over for me. I'm an adult now and that scares me. I miss being little and not having a single care in the world. I miss my imagination. I miss who I used to be.
I was so happy back then and could have cared less what people thought. Now it seems like I am always trying to prove myself to others. I feel like it's my responsibility to make a name for myself; that task is pretty daunting considering I don't even know who I am yet. I know I am still really young and have a long while to figure that out, but it's as if the clock is ticking faster and faster and I'm afraid I'll run out of time before I figure everything out.
Maybe I'm just over analyzing everything to death, but it's genuinly how I feel. Now that school is over, I've had time to think. The majority of my thoughts have drifted back to some of my favorite memories: Summer's at my Grandparent's house, growing up in West Valley and South Jordan, best friends, having my first crush, Brookwood, Albion, starting high school, having a first love, college... it's all too much. It's kind of like I'm on the outside looking in. I wish I could go back and relive everything. Even the hard times, because life is beautiful even when it hurts. That's what my life has taught me so far.
1 year ago