February 3, 2010

February 3, 1994

Some people only dream of Angels... I hold one in my heart.

I think about you a lot, Little Sister. I wonder what you would look like now, sixteen and grown up. I remember you as a tiny blue eyed blonde. You're entire face lit up when you smiled and you rarely ever cried. I remember holding your little hand and talking to you like we were old friends.

I wonder what you would be like now? I would hope you wouldn't end up like me. Loud, opinionated, silly, and far too carefree. I would hope you would be sweeter, kinder, but not too serious. You were always the good sister... I was the monster.

When you left I didn't understand. I searched for you everywhere I went but I never found you. It wasn't until I was older that I realized you weren't coming back. Now I know where you are and why God took you away from us so soon. And I thank Him every chance I get for the time He gave me to spend with you.

I want you to know that we left an empty spot for you at the dinner table. Sometimes I pretend you're still here sitting across from me. I wonder what you would say, what your hobbies would be, what you wanted to be when you were older... I feel you missing wherever I go and I only wish I could tell you how much I miss you.

Sometimes I wish I could have taken your place so you would have had the chance to live. I feel guilty that you can't be with us anymore. But I know you're watching over us and you're in a far better place than we can even imagine.

I know I'll get to be with you again someday. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again and tell you all the things I have wanted for so long to say. But until then, know that I love you with all my heart. I will always carry a piece of you with me wherever ago. Hopefully I can live my life the way you would want me to.

So say a little prayer to God for us. Always know that we think about you every moment and we'll never forget you. Thank you for teaching me that everything is going to be okay. I love you Little Sister.

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