Birthday Wishes

So today is my birthday. I am now in my very last year as a teenager *tear*sniff*. Every year I set my alarm for 5:00am so I can reminisce about the past year and think about how much I have changed. It's always weird to me every time; counting down the seconds I have left in that particular year in my life. And then at 5:01am, I'm a whole year older.

This morning I replayed my eighteenth year all over again and I can honestly look back and say I don't regret a thing.

My last few months of high school were definitely tough. Brighton High School became a prison to me after sophomore year and I was practically counting down the days until I graduated. It wasn't until a month before graduation that I realized it was nearly over. And instead of being happy about it, I was actually kind of sad. So I went to every graduation party, I decided to stop caring about what everyone else thought and just be myself, I took hundreds of pictures to save the memories, and I decided to try and enjoy myself. Funny thing is that I actually did. I was sick of my past mistakes dictating how I lived my life so I changed that. When graduation day came around I didn't know how to feel. Half of me was extremely happy and relieved to finally be done, and the other half wanted to start all over and not take one second for granted.

That summer my grandmother was pretty sick and needed someone to take care of her. So I went over to her house almost every day and spent the best summer of my entire life there. On the days she wasn't feeling well I would sit in the rocking chair next to where she was sleeping on the couch and read or played soduko or wrote in my journal. My favorite memory that summer was on a day Grandma was feeling really happy and well. We pulled out some chairs that were stored in the garage and sat on her back porch and simply talked and laughed and napped and watched the birds in the bird feeder. Grandma was reading the newspaper and she covered her face with it while she slept. I remember looking in the back garden at all the white daises and gazing up at the dark summer blue sky and just listening to her breathe softly. That same day I went down to the lawn and picked a whole sack full of ripe pears from the pear tree and we stood in front of the window by the kitchen sink and ate so many we had to take another nap. Time seemed to slow to almost a halt at Grandma's house. The way she took  time to do everything she did amazed me. I was so used to busy, busy, busy and multitasking and getting everything done as fast as possible. I'm so grateful for my beautiful Grandma and how she taught me to sloooow dooown and smell the roses. I love my Grandma more than anything and that summer will always have a very special place in my heart.

When the summer months died down I went back to school. This time it was college and I was in for a world of change. The campus at the University of Utah is enormous. The first day I thought I was going to die because it was in the high 90's and I swear all my classes were on opposite sides of the campus. Eventually the long walks became one of my favorite part of going to school each day because I got to stretch my legs and breathe in the clean mountain air. I made a lot of new friends and strengthened old ones. I fell in love with the diversity there. Everyone I met was completely different than the next person and I loved just sitting on the grass under the big oak trees and watching all the different people go by and catching bits of their conversations. I learned how hard college was. I had to nearly fail a class to realize it, but now I know. It gave me a greater appreciation for the chance I have to learn and grow here.

This was the year I started dating again. All through high school it seemed that no matter how many times I would fall for a guy I would always end up hurt and bitter. By the time senior year rolled around I totally swore off dating because I was sick of guys thinking I was just some kind of toy they could toss out when they got bored or found something better. It carried over into my first semester at the U because I was so afraid of getting hurt again. And then one day at the start of this semester a guy at the bookstore asked for my number and suddenly dating wasn't such a big deal anymore. One thing my dating break taught me is that everything happens for a reason and to not even worry about what might or might not happen in the future. It taught me to simply live each moment as it comes and see where it takes you. It had been forever since I had the butterflies after meeting and getting to know someone knew and somehow the break made it all the more sweeter and exciting.

A year ago today I was a completely different person than I am now. I had a slightly sour disposition on life and it seemed that nothing really caught my interest or excited me much. Then a change in my surroundings and routine woke me up and I myself changed not only who I was, but changed my entire outlook on life.

So this year as I blow out my birthday candles, I will wish for a new year that is just as amazing and change-filled as last. I wish that at 5:00am on February 10, 2011,  I will be able to look back on this year with no regrets and that I will be proud of who I am and what I accomplished. And hopefully at 5:01am, when I turn 20, I will be able to go back to sleep content and happy with the direction my life is going.

Here's to being 19! May this year be full of laughter, smiles, love, happiness, and the occasional pitfall so I can learn to pick myself back up again. Cheers!